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The War on Christmas Carols
| Tue Nov. 17, 2009 8:43 PM PST
Mark Kleiman tries to find common ground with Bill O'Reilly:
“Frosty the Snowman” and human rights
Heard it today while changing planes in Houston. Even if having to hear that song isn’t covered by the Convention Against Torture, surely there’s a substantive Due Process claim about having to hear it before Thanksgiving. I hope you will all agree with me that Something Should Be Done.
And not to get to Bill O’Reilly here, but the problem isn’t Christmas music. They’re welcome to play Adeste Fideles and Good King Wenceslaus and the Gower Wassail and Gaudete and even God Rest Ye Merry as often as they like. The problem is secularized ”holiday” music. “Frosty” isn’t even the worst of the lot; that dubious honor goes to Jingle Bell Rock.
I happened to tune in to a few minutes of O'Reilly today, and sure enough, he was blathering on and on and on about some poor school principal in Massachusetts whose life he planned to turn into a living hell because school rules in her town don't allow kids to sell manger scenes at the holiday gift sale. (Something like that, anyway. I tuned in a little late to get the whole grim story.) But look: isn't secular holiday music something we can all agree on? I mean, it sucks. It really does. If O'Reilly could dump the whole War on Christmas schtick and instead take up a War on Christmas Music, it would be a bipartisan joy for all.
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Comments
Family tradition: hating The Little Drummer Boy
Submitted by Quiddity who can't login as Quiddity (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:24 PM PST.
This goes waaaay back, but my family always would go nuts if, while in a store, we'd hear The Little Drummer Boy. pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
It got Pavlovian. We'd screw up our faces and stick our tongues out. But in a way, it was a healthy response since it gave us license to gripe about the holiday music that was everywhere (and appearing earlier with each passing year).
Even though Drummer Boy isn't secular, the lyrics are amazingly sparse and a huge proportion consist of nothing other than "pa-rum-pa-pa-pum".
Ugh.
Actually Kevin, I totally
Submitted by Urk (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:24 PM PST.
Actually Kevin, I totally disagree. I've got a kid, she's three. We aren't a religious household. I'm certain that the grandparents will get her indoctrinated soon, but for now it's nice to have songs we can sing without explaining why people are bowing down and praying to some guy with nails and blood coming out of his hands.
sure, there's plenty of dreck in the secular xmas song front, but there are also some nice songs that are about human togetherness and giving. and that's without even getting into the christmas pop songs, where the real gold is: "Please Be Home for Christmas," Merry Christmas, Baby, Blue Christmas, The christmas Song,(chestnust roasting on an Open fire)- none of these are religious songs.
The problem with Christmas
Submitted by Art Eclectic on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:25 PM PST.
The problem with Christmas music is that retailers have pounded it to death in their all-out war on people's budgets. The Halloween decorations are barely down before the stores are pumping out Christmas music trying to get people to buy early and often. Retailers have completely ruined any sense of what holidays used to be by turning the whole thing into a spending orgy. What used to be a joyous time of the year is now just about consume, consume, consume. Christmas has been destroyed - not by evil atheists - but by Republican loving corporations. The next time O'Reilly wants blather about the war on Christmas, the should be looking right at retailers instead of Democrats and atheists.
Behind the times
Submitted by Charles S (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 10:11 PM PST.
This year, at multiple Fred Meyers in Portland, Oregon, there were Christmas decorations and Halloween decorations simultaneously, from the second week of October.
Next recession, they'll start having Christmas/Back to School Sales in August and September.
One of the joys of doing
Submitted by jimBOB on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:39 PM PST.
One of the joys of doing most of your holiday shopping online is that you don't have to wade through masses of coughing humanity at the malls while being bombarded with phony-happy jingle-dreck.
Musical geniuses XTC did a rather nice Xmas music track, "Thanks For Christmas," I suppose in order to show that the genre doesn't have to be insipid. It contains one of their trademark minor chard breaks, and thus I don't ever expect to hear it at an actual retail location. Alas.
There is good secular Christmas music
Submitted by dad23g on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:32 PM PST.
Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt.
Christmas Rap by the Waitresses.
Open your ears and you will see the light.
Now, it may not be as good as much of the religious music. I love the traditional carols (and I am Jewish). But there is good secular stuff out there.
Merry Christmas Baby,
Submitted by g. powell on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 6:07 AM PST.
Merry Christmas Baby, especially the version by Johnny Moore's Three Blazers, is also a good one.
Also, Christmas In Hollis by
Submitted by Mo (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 7:18 AM PST.
Also, Christmas In Hollis by Run DMC
Christmas in Hollis by Run
Submitted by Mo (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 7:20 AM PST.
Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC is enjoyable as well.
Kill the drummer boy
Submitted by wahoofive (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 9:44 PM PST.
I'm with Quiddity. When I get put in Guantanamo for the crime of being a non-Republican, if they play that horrible pa-rum-pa-pa-pum for five minutes I'll confess to ANYTHING.
JBR Rules
Submitted by OtterBill (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 10:39 PM PST.
I unapologetically love Jingle Bell Rock. I don't feel my Christmas season has really arrived until I hear it on my car radio.
I wholeheartedly agree with those who despise Little Drummer Boy. A close second in that category is Do You Hear What I Hear.
Yeah, we want carols that
Submitted by JS (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 11:14 PM PST.
Yeah, we want carols that capture the religious dimension of Christmas.
Like The Twelve Days of Christmas, Oh Christmas Tree, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
There is good Christmas music
Submitted by DevilDog on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 11:14 PM PST.
Unfortunately, the most enjoyable music seldom gets played. There are delightful carols in German and French and even English we seldom hear. Renaissance composers like Garbrielli, Scarlotti, Vivaldi and others have written some great music that's well suited to the holidays, especially when performed by a brass choir. Even some of the well worn traditional songs are a pleasure to listen to in some of the jazz renditions I hear. Expand the musical repertoire and Christmas can actually be a good time for audiophiles. Just avoid malls.
Xmas Music: secular or otherwise ...
Submitted by fingerfood on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 11:20 PM PST.
I enjoy Xmas music now but it wasn't always that way.
Christmas and the entire Xmas season used to depress me into a dark, ugly place. I allowed it to get the better of me for at least 12 years in a row and I never came out of that horrible place any better than when I went into it.
About eight years ago I decided that enough was enough and I faced down my darkness. I purposely began buying cheap "Holiday" music CD's and came to enjoy listening and comparing different versions of each song. Was Mantovani's 'O Holy Night' better than 101 Strings' version? Did Burl Ives do 'Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer' better than Tex Ritter did? And who wins the 'Good King Wenceslas' contest? Doris Day? Dinah Washington? Or is it Rosemary Clooney?
I found that it helped to buy a few, cheap strands of Xmas lights to drape around the room for "atmosphere" and bringing in some pine and yew clippings from the yard - at the very least - made the room smell nice and added a positive contribution to the overall 'tone'.
Reading up on the history of the season was a big help, too. There was a whole, new world to discover there - and the idea of Solstice seemed so much richer and more fertile to me than the manger story ever did.
Little by little I made the climb out of my 'black hole' and I can now handle the "Holiday Season" with ease and even a marked degree of enjoyment. I like Xmas trees now. I like Xmas lights and Xmas smells, too. And Xmas cookies and colors, as well! And then there's the music ....
Just about everybody in the whole wide world has made a Xmas CD and more than a few of them are top drawer - but take it from THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE: Mantovani is the undisputed ruler of this universe and should not be taken lightly. Brenda Lee owns "Rockin' Around The Xmas Tree" and I think I'd rather hear that than a lot of the crap that passes for pop music these days - even in an airport. If there's a war to be waged on Christmas, it's a war on over-spending that needs to be fought and won. And as far as 'Jingle Bell Rock' goes, my ears keep telling my soul that "giddy-up, Jinglehorse, kick up the breeze; jingle around the clock" is one of the finest lyrical moments that Western Civilization has ever known. Happy Solstice, Kevin! Give your wonderful kitties a kiss for me, will ya?
At this time of year, I
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 11:34 PM PST.
At this time of year, I always brighten up the first time I hear the Carol of the Old Ones.
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here.
They will reclaim all in their name;
Hopes turn to black when they come back.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it's theirs again
Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom
Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice
Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they're all around
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
Madness will reign, terror and pain
Woes without end where they extend.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it's theirs again
Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom
Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice
Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they're all around.
Fear
(Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars now are right)
They will return.
I apologize, I didn't watch
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue Nov. 17, 2009 11:36 PM PST.
I apologize, I didn't watch the first video as I typed the message, and well, this is the original video for Carol of the Old Ones.
The absolute worst...
Submitted by Daryl Cobranchi (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 1:21 AM PST.
secular Christmas song HAS to be the dogs barking "Jingle Bells." Woof!
Xmas songs
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 2:12 AM PST.
Thirty years ago or so my friends back in Little Rock made a tape of the best Christmas songs to date. They left out a few (Charlie Parker's version of "White Christmas," the Ronettes' "Santa Claus is Coming to Town") but made up for it with gems that even Kevin the wannabe Scrooge would like, such as "Don't Believe in Christmas"--a thrash or speed metal carol--and "Christmas in Jail"--a rockabilly classic.
I emailed selections from it to all my co-workers--which caused my employer to change its email system to eliminate that feature. I should be thankful, I guess, that they didn't eliminate me--but that's the Christmas spirit, Kevin, something you Goddamned atheists will never understand.
Speaking of the Ronettes:
Submitted by MRBill30560 (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 8:35 AM PST.
Find the "Phil Spector Christmas", the Ronettes, and the Chrystals, et al... and a very creepy spoken envoi by Phil himself...some good numbers, great production, and a murderer's greetings..
Don't miss out on spinal tap
Submitted by MobiusKlein (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 8:55 AM PST.
Myself, I've played ALL the Christmas songs so often, I'm sick to death of them.
Even 'God rest ye merry gentlemen'. Even the Hanukkah songs.
"The Christmas Spirit"
Submitted by Godless Heathen at work (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 9:00 AM PST.
Maybe some of us atheists know that you should be kind and generous all year round, not just when you're celebrating somegody's birthday party.
You want to see the Christian Christmas spirit? Go to WalMart and watch somebody get trampled for an XBOX. Praise Jesus!
Frosty? Meh. But someone
Submitted by Snarki, child of Loki (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 4:43 AM PST.
Frosty? Meh.
But someone needs to track down those damn chipmunks and make them pay for the damage they've done to our eardrums!
Oh, wait. it looks like someone already has.
The Nat King Cole singing
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu Nov. 19, 2009 11:02 AM PST.
The Nat King Cole singing voice is well done, but why do they make his speaking voice sound like Rochester from the Jack Benny Show? I can't really recommend this to anyone because of that. Also, why did they need to change the Chipmunks' names? (Alvin become Melvin, etc.)
special dispensation
Submitted by beep52 (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 6:42 AM PST.
Requesting special dispensation for Chrissie Hynde, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
The Jackson-5 have a version
Submitted by B on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 6:55 AM PST.
The Jackson-5 have a version of Frosty the Snowman. It's sort of like two birds with one stone.
it is not a Xmas song
Submitted by tpx on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 7:55 AM PST.
"Frosty the Snowman" is not a Christmas song. It is a Winter song. The song is about children's imagination and snow. The song unintentionally celebrates what is disappearing from North America, long, cold, snowy winters, which is why the global warming deniers accuse it of being secular. "Over the River and Through the Woods" is also a secular song about Autumn or Winter, celebrating family and America's greatest holiday, Thanksgiving. It also does not mention religion, but no one is going to attack dearest grandmother for not being fundamentally religious.
Speaking of non-religious songs
Submitted by wahoofive (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 1:23 PM PST.
Jingle Bells isn't a Christmas song either.
Total blasphemy.
Submitted by Omega Centauri (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 8:28 AM PST.
Not against thoe-religion, but this is complete blasphemy against the comsumer society programming that makes our consumer society function. People are programmed to run out to the stores and buy useless junk whenever they hear that stuff. Without X-mass music our economy would be sunk.
There was one decent X-mass song however, I don't remember the details, but it was about granda being run over by a reindeer.
Not granda Omega C
Submitted by optical weenie on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 9:21 AM PST.
It was Granma. Granma got run over by a reindeerr.
A Foreign Christmas song you will love.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 8:57 AM PST.
Augie Rios - Donde Esta Santa Claus.
before you get your panties all in a bunch, know ahead of time that a little boy with a spanish (kinda sounds mexican but it's hard to tell when someone is singing, at least for a whitey like me) accent sings the line "i know that i should be es-sleeping"
racist? maybe
adorable? totally
The songs I like are great!
Submitted by Robert Earle (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 9:42 AM PST.
The songs I like are great! The songs you like SUCK!!
Ooohh...it's so obvious!!!
JBR Correction
Submitted by OtterBill (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 9:52 AM PST.
fingerfood,
Thanks for quoting the Jingle Bell Rock lyrics. Just reading them made me smile. But you're incorrect on one line. it's not: 'giddy-up, Jinglehorse, kick up the breeze', it's 'giddy-up Jinglehorse, kick up your feet.' I like your version, though.
music
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 10:23 AM PST.
Our music therapist said that Jingle Bells isn't really a Christmas song either, it's about sleigh races that used to be done right after Thanksgiving. it's about getting the pretttiest girl in the sleigh with you and driving as fast as possible.
also, I used to love "the Carol of the Bells" until those twits from Garmin appropriated it to sell their GPS units.
You all have inspired me
Submitted by ajw_93 on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 9:55 AM PST.
I'm going to put out my collection of Misfit Toys that decorate my office for the holidays....TODAY! Bwahahahahaha!
Wait a minute.
Submitted by cmac (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 1:22 PM PST.
I like The Twelve Days of Christmas. And the one with the chestnuts roasting.
"Jingle Bells" and "Through
Submitted by tpx on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 3:36 PM PST.
"Jingle Bells" and "Through the Woods" are songs celebrating America, something one would think the media demagogues could appreciate.
The most sentimental Christmas song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas," my favorite, is also secular. It celebrates family and the longing of everyone to be with family during the holidays.
Perhaps "The Little Drummer Boy" needs to be thought of as sexual to be enjoyed. "She smiled at me, pa-rum-pa-pa-pum!"
The Big Three Sentimental
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 7:31 PM PST.
The Big Three Sentimental Favorites (White Christmas, The Christmas Song, and I'll Be Home For Christmas) were all written during WWII when mllions were away from their homes and families.
Oh, and they were all written by Jews.
Another good one:
Submitted by CaptBackslap (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 8:52 PM PST.
The Silent League's version of "Christmastime is Here" (yes, the one from A Charlie Brown Christmas) is stunning. I listen to it once in awhile even when it's nowhere near Christmas.
Secular Christmas songs mostly from 1934-1958
Submitted by Steve Sailer (not verified) on Wed Nov. 18, 2009 10:15 PM PST.
The top secular Christmas songs were mostly written between 1934-1958, during the Great American Songbook era when the quality of songwriting was higher on average than today. About half of the top 25 secular Christmas songs were written by Jews.
The real question is why almost nobody can write a popular new Christmas song anymore. You'd make a bloody fortune off it. I read an article about the ex-married couple who wrote the crummy Christmas novelty hit "Grandma Got Run Over" in the 1970s. They still split $150k annually from it. Imagine how much you'd make for the rest of your life if you wrote a good Christmas song. Ka-ching!
But our culture can't do it!
In the "Honey" tradition....
Submitted by Julia Grey on Thu Nov. 19, 2009 3:20 PM PST.
The husband left the car radio on a secular Christmas songs channel, and the first thing I was treated to this afternoon (while I was backing out of the driveway, turning the wheel too sharply at the end, parking on the street and picking up stuff that had slid off the passenger seat onto the floor mat) was an absolutely horrifying, maudlin, tuneless song about some kids buying SHOES* for their DEAD MOTHER on Christmas Eve, "sung" by the supposed father in the situation: "We gotta make mommy look pretty when she meets Jesus tonight" or some such. What. The. Fooing. Foo?
Dreadful. Utterly nauseating. THAT is the kind of "Christmas music" that ought to get people shot. Yet people have the nerve to say that "Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum" is the worst? My blue fandango!
*And why SHOES, for gaud's sake? Is somebody gonna check up on her feet in the casket?
Boo-hoo, no secularized Christmas music, eh?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri Nov. 20, 2009 8:28 AM PST.
Sorry to hear that someone is promoting a politically correct Christmas that has no room for novelties or even modern takes on the holidays. Don't tell Mark Kleiman about this website, http://www.mistletunes.com, and definitely don't tell Bill O'Reilly.
Certainly we would agree
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri Nov. 20, 2009 7:10 PM PST.
Certainly we would agree that one of the best all-time secular Christmas songs is the "Snow Miser/Heat Miser" duet from Year Without a Santa Clause. Gotta love the little dancing snow misers and heat misers (Heat Miser Rules!)
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