Mrs. (Insert Husband's Name Here)

This week, the American Sociological Association held its annual meeting here in San Francisco. Researchers from Indiana University and the University of Utah presented findings from a national survey of 815 people on family and gender issues. Apparently, 71 percent of Americans believe a woman should take her husband's last name, and half believed it should be a legal requirement.
The results shocked even the researchers:
"The figures were a bit sobering for us because there seems to be change in so many areas. If names are a core aspect of our identity, this is important," said Brian Powell, professor of sociology at IU Bloomington. "There are all these reports and indicators that families are changing, that men are contributing more, that we're moving toward a more equal family, yet there's no indication that we're seeing a similar move to equality when it comes to names."
So the government should not be heavy handed when it comes to legislating things like health care or banking, but it should determine how women identify themselves after marriage?
Not quite. It seems that for the majority of Americans, the issue is less about naming conventions and more about who (ahem) wears the pants in society. One of the researchers said that respondents "told us that women should lose their own identity when they marry and become a part of the man and his family." The family identity, however, is not tied to the name itself. Half of respondents said it would be fine if men changed their names, because "a man should be able to do it because he's a man."
Survey responses also reflected the belief that if we cannot assume that a woman will automatically change her last name, the resulting confusion will lead to catastrophe: "They said the mailman would get confused and that society wouldn't function as well if women did not change their name."
As it so happens, I am one of the 5-10 percent of American women who did not take my husband's last name. But, I'm pretty sure the United States Postal Service functions the same way in the rest of the country as it does in the Bay Area, which means they deliver based on address. Which is why I've received mail addressed correctly to me, to my first name with my husband's last name, and to the cringe-inducing "Mr. and Mrs. Husband's First and Last Name." Then again, I also get mail addressed to the last four tenants.
My husband and I have also managed to file our taxes, utilize health and car insurance, and open a joint credit card with last names that don't match. Thus far, "society" hasn't come to a screeching halt. But then, we also live in a state where larger issues surrounding marriage are questioned (our marriage license even reads "Party A" and "Party B").
The researchers believe that the study reveals more than just what Americans think about last names, "Because it's not politicized, people just answer the question without really thinking about it...It sort of taps into people's views about all kinds of things." In other words, things like who should be able to get married, what a family should look like, and just what types of gendered identities we should adhere to.
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Comments
only 5-10%?
honestly, i'm surprised that number is so low -- but then again my friends and family are probably a poor subject pool for me to base my knowledge on as at least half of the women i know have kept their own names. you'll be glad to know, though, that even in a state as red as texas, society has managed to avoid catastrophe. like you, my mail arrives with little to no trouble and we've made major purchases (car, house, etc.), paid taxes, used insurance, etc. it is true, however, that we live in austin, the one blue spot in the whole state. but i seriously doubt that makes that much difference.
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I do not understand what
I do not understand what your issue is with women who take their husband's last name is. If you did not want that, fine. I thought women's rights was supposed to be about women having the freedom to make the choices that work best for them. Guess what? Taking their husband's name has not stopped lots of women from having successful careers and fullfilling lives.
I understand it...
What I sense the first respondent meant was that it is surprising that only 5-10% of women in our 21st century society decide and/or agree to retain their identity. Mrs. John Alan Doe doesn't mean anything to me if I'm trying to locate Jean Louise Smith, a hypothetical old high school sweetie. When I last married, I all but insisted that my wife retain her own identity. Astonishingly, even though we have been divorced for 8 years, school staff (for example) still assume we are married, even though we have different last names, different addresses (meaning, by the way, that I don't receive school information because only the mother is "worthy" of custody and school-related responsibility), and even though we were an oddity when we were married. Can't win.
The problem is people don't listen
the original poster, and writer of this article don't have any issues with women choosing to keep their own names. Did you read the article? The study isn't about who chooses this. It's about people who want to FORCE all women to do so. Oh boy - our schools are really failing us.
Change my name?
I'm also in the 5-10% that did not change their name on marriage. My husband was appalled. My parents don't acknowledge my birth name and address everything they send to Mrs (Insert husband's name here). My husband's family doesn't know I never changed my name even though we've been married 15 years. (They never write so they wouldn't have reason to know!)
The only familial people who acknowledge that I am allowed to choose my own name are my kids and my brother. And both of my daughters couldn't wait to change their names when they got married.
The mail gets through as it did when my husband and his daughter moved in with my kids and me and we had 4 different last names on the mailbox. Heck, we even got mail addressed to a completely fictitious family.
The schools generally had a problem but mostly because they call everyone 'Mrs (Insert child's last name here)'. DMV had a problem when my son got his driver's license insisting I could not be his mother as I had a different last name. (Even though my last name matched the name on my son's birth certificate, go figure.) They had it all straightened out by the time my daughter got her license a few years later.
Societies around the world have dealt with familial names forever. And here we all still are. My name is my name, it shouldn't matter to anyone what it is.
If husbands were expected to renounce their family of origin and change their entire identity because they got married, there might be a different discourse on the topic.
I am also one of the 5-10%
I am also one of the 5-10% (though I wonder at the validity of this and all the other figures in this study), and the only problems I've ever encountered were a handful of people who couldn't fathom the idea of a woman keeping her own last name. But those folks are in the vast minority; most people couldn't care less. As for society coming to a screeching halt -- I'm pretty sure life would continue as usual no matter what name I or any other woman decided to call ourselves! I'd be curious to read more about the sample the researchers used for this survey.
Hey, Anon. It's clear the
Hey, Anon. It's clear the issue is WHO DECIDES, women themselves, or the law? A women has every right to take her husband's name, and every right to keep her own.
I've never taken my husband's name legally; I use it as a pen name, mostly because I just like the way it sounds (I'm fond of my husband, too). In the last 19 years, I've been called Mrs his-name, and he's been called Mr. my-name. We answer to both. And last I looked, 'Society' was still here.
I'm shallow
I took my ex-husband's name because it looks and sounds better than my birth name....and that's why I've kept it since the divorce. If I remarry, I will take the new husband's name if it's more aesthetically pleasing than my birth name.
Ugly names need to be allowed to die out.
Living in Quebec, which was
Living in Quebec, which was once the most Catholic and conservative of Canadian provinces, I did not take my husband's last name. In fact, I don't have a single friend who did. It is more the norm here not to do so, perhaps in part because the province is still in a backlash swing away from the Catholic church that dominated every aspect of life here for centuries. 50% of couples here never marry. Guess what? We haven't been struck dead by lightning or other godly forces. And our mail arrives, even in the dead of a Quebec winter. I am often flabbergasted at the reactionary conservatism of many Americans. What gives? Is it fear? The whole fear of health care is another thing I just cannot understand. It is like being opposed to something as innocuous and wonderful as ice cream. I'm sick, I take my maiden-named self to the doctor - for free! Scary, right?
I took my husband's name
I took my husband's name with little fanfare. It took two trips to the Social Security office (hello, I had been my maiden name for 29 years and knew him for only 2!!!), but I did it because it was important to him. I married a very traditional and somewhat conservative man.
I'm in the unique situation though, where although I have changed my name on my license, insurance, car title, email, etc., everyone still addresses me as "Stephanie Maiden Name." My husband is happy because he feels I have embraced his culture and family (we are, for all silly intensive purposes, considered an "interacial couple--[perhaps a topic for the next blog????]).
Remember the episode of "Friends," where Phoebe got married and changed her name to "Princess Consuela Banana- Hammock?" If you keep your name, cool. If you change your name, cool. It's up to the person!
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