Horrible News: “The President Will Drink Bud Light”

Important news from press secretary Robert Gibbs on the Skip-Gates-controversy-ending beer-sharing planned at the White House later today:

The President will drink Bud Light.  As I understand it—I have not heard this, I’ve read this, so I’ll just repeat what I’ve read, that Professor Gates said he liked Red Stripe, and I believe Sergeant Crowley mentioned to the President that he liked Blue Moon.  So we’ll have the gamut covered tomorrow afternoon.  I think we’re still thinking, weather permitting, the picnic table out back.  All right?

I, for one, am outraged that Barack Obama would drink a furrin-owned beer like Bud Light, which is owned by the pot-smoking frites-eating, universal health care-having, freedom-hating Dutch Belgians (Sorry. I often get my low-lying western European countries confused). Clearly the president should be drinking a true American beer like Sam Adams, which is not only owned by Americans, but also named after a great American hero. Boston Beer Company, which makes Sam Adams, is actually only the second-largest American-owned brewery. Here are the top American choices, in order of size, via Foreign Policy‘s Travis Daub, with commentary and notes by yours truly:

1. Pabst Blue Ribbon (video has NSFW language). It’s worth noting that Pabst doesn’t brew its own beer anymore, but outsources it to a South African conglomerate:
2. Boston Beer Company/Sam Adams
3. Yuengling, otherwise known as “lager” in Pennsylvania and its environs. Seriously—go order a lager at a Philly bar and see what you get.
4. Sierra Nevada, makers of a delicious pale ale.
5. Colorado’s New Belgium Brewing Co. Inc., makers of Fat Tire.
6. High Falls Brewing Co., which is responsible for the NESCAC beer pong staple that is Genessee Cream Ale.
7. Spoetzl Brewery, brewers of the excellent Shiner Bock.
8. Widmer Brothers Brewing Group, which makes a Hefewiezen that is sold at the food court across the street from Mother Jones‘ DC bureau for $5.00 for a 32-ounce plastic cup.
9. Redhook Ale Brewery, a favorite of hipsters everywhere, which makes the very good Red Hook ESB and Long Hammer IPA.
10. Pyramid Breweries Inc, which has “alehouses” in Portland, Sacramento, Seattle, Walnut Creek, and, of course, Berkeley.

The President has plenty of American beers to choose from. Bud Light doesn’t need more advertising. Buy American, Mr. President!